Friday, September 14, 2007

The Police: Not a fan

Now, you might not know this, but this humble author is not a huge fan of the police. Not the idea of the police, mind you.

More, the actual reality of the small town goons who follow me in unmarked cars from my house two miles or so and then stop me because as Chief Davis says he "didn't recognize my car." A good reason to pull somebody over. I mean as chief of police, you must know every car in my shitty little small town, right?

Or their penchant for perjury. The whole never having heard of them telling the truth under oath leaves a sourish taste in my mouth.

But, that was all over a year ago.

The reason I wrote this entry, was because of the gestapo's actions last night. I leave my house around midnight to go meet up with a couple friends. I drive by a restraunt/bar a half mile or so away and see a car with a cop car behind it with the flashers on. I drive by and see in my rear view mirror the cop pulls a fast U-turn and goes nearly twice the speed limit (35mph) to catch up with me. Follows me for a mile or so, and then turns on his lights.

Because my tail lights were "blinking." Let the mechanics of the world know: Tail lights can malfunction by "blinking."

Of course my tail lights weren't actually "blinking" I was just going between 33-36 mph the whole time because I live in a town with shithead, gestapo police who pull me over constantly for reasons such as "blinking" tail lights.

Once stopped I did the usual turn on the dome light and get license, registration, etc out. Officier Hitler (I assume that's his name, I didn't ask) asked me "What were you doing?" to which I replied "Driving." Which I think is probably the best answer when pulled over while driving. What with it not being any of his business and all in the first place. Which was of course followed up with the local police's second favorite question, "Where are you going?" (Third favorite, actually, they usually ask "Where were you coming from?" before that.)

This is best answered with "a friend's house" for a few reasons. First, because you can use it any time of day on any day. You can always be going to or coming from your friend's house. Second, because it is none of the police's business where you are going or what you are doing, by answering "a friend's house" you are techically answering his question without actually telling him anything. It's like becoming a politician without having to be sired by a vampire first and avoid sunlight afterwards.

Officier Hitler graciously returned my licence, registration, et al, and let me go on my way. Praise be to Officier Himmler! Without great people like him our crappy, little town would be in chaos.

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