Saturday, September 27, 2008

Anyone watch that Presidential Debate?

I sure as hell didn't.

But I did try to watch the highlights afterwards.

It's sort of like if you don't really give a shit about who wins the Super Bowl, but you check ESPN.com afterwards anyway. Except twenty seconds on ESPN.com doesn't make you feel tens of thousands of brain cells spontaneously commit suicide.

Well, for those of you, like me, that can't stand to listen to John McCain's jingoistic bullshit or Barak Obama's condescending malarky, Dennis Perrin provides a great "summary" of the "debate":
LEHRER: Gentlemen, thank you for being here. As you both know, tonight's format is designed to skim over complex issues and avoid talking about where the real power in the country resides. So feel free to pop off at will, regardless of facts or objective reality. Senator Obama, the economy. What's your view?

OBAMA: Jim, I was talking to some of my Wall Street backers earlier today, and they're hurting. This current crisis, started deliberately by the Bush administration with Sen. McCain as their dancing monkey, means of course that my rich and influential friends and supporters are going to need help. Lots of it. This is why I'll eventually support whatever bail out is coughed up in Washington. But I want the working people of America to know that I'll continue speak out of both sides of my mouth, will employ the term "Wall Street/Main Street" for as long as my advisers say it resonates, and will look good while doing it. That's my promise to the middle class.

MCCAIN: Jim, what Sen. Obama is refusing to say is that neither one of us really cares about average working people. If we did, we wouldn't be up here, surrounded by Secret Service agents packing some of the finest heat this great nation still produces. But it's part of getting elected, so we go through the motions, say what our handlers think is best, and hope that it sticks. And you know what? It almost always does! I swear to God, the crap people will swallow in this country boggles what's left of my fading mind. As I was telling my dear friend General Petraeus the other day, "David, there's a knot on the back of my thigh. Do you think it's a clot? Should I have it checked? What time is chow?" And that's why overseeing an equitable bail out is so important to the economy.
(The ironic quotes on "summary", because it's satire and on "debate", because the closed-format, pedantic bullshit questions and non-answers don't cound as "debate.")

Perrin's blog is both funny and depressingly accurate, so go have a look.

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