Wednesday, September 23, 2009

FF13 Developer's Journal

The only way this could be funnier is if it were real.
All I know is that if I have a breakdown and they let Akitoshi Kawazu anywhere near this game I will murder every single person at Square-Enix with my bare hands. Kawazu, if you're reading this I want you to know one thing, motherfucker: you suck at what you do and I use copies of SaGa Frontier as toilet paper.
Kawazu is the guy reknowned for such masterpieces as the SaGa series, Final Fantasy 2 (on the NES, not the one with Cecil, Kain, and Rosa), and the quote, "yeah, I'm aware that the games I've made have never been, you know...good."

Also, if you, like me, hate Tetsuya Nomura, there's this:
Planning on FFXIII began today. Whoop-de-fucking-doo. We discussed character designs, even though Tetsuya Nomura, the character designer, was conspicuously absent, most likely off at a Hot Topic buying belts and zippers.

I'm working with Yoshinori Kitase on this game. Kitase is a personal rival of mine due to the fact that he had a hand in FFVII. Sometimes while he speaks I completely tune him out and imagine exactly how many sleepless nights he must've spent dreaming up the tortured psyches and poignant backstories of Cait Sith or Yuffie. Yeah, great writing there, Yoshi.

And then there's Final Fantasy VIII. What the hell was that all about?
It's funny stuff, go read the rest.

UPDATE: Another awesome part:
Like today, for instance, that jackass Nomura came into my office around 10:00 AM, which is my publicly announced private time. I even hung this sign on my door:


I asked him if he could read and he became extremely defensive. So I believe he might be illiterate. But that's beside the point. He came in with a basket of fruit, which he said he brought to welcome me back. The only thing was that he wasn't sure which fruit I liked, so he filled it with broccoli, which he called "The Fruit of the Gods".

He smiled and asked me if I liked it, and I asked him where the fuck the picture of my wife was. I had it right here on my desk when I called him in a while back, and then when he left it was gone. I told him I knew he had it, and he admitted that he couldn't read, which was somehow supposed to be relevant. When I asked him what that had to do with this he said he didn't know because he couldn't read.

Tired of talking in circles, I told him to leave my office. He told me that he'd make it up to me somehow, and then he walked out.

I glanced at the mug holding my pens and noticed that three and a half of them were missing. That smug kleptomaniac bastard.
The rest.

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